Mbabane: The soldier who reported two weeks ago that his wife had fled with her lover has revealed that she returned home three days ago, but he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her.
Bhekitfwala Tfwala (53) of Ekudzeni and stationed at Garrison Barracks in Matsapha called this publication and made known the latest developments. The soldier’s wife, Nelly Bail-Tfwala, left her matrimonial home early this year after the couple’s daughter was involved in a life threatening accident at Siphofaneni, leaving her crippled from the waist down and wheel chair bound.
Tfwala said he had been at his work place when he got a call from an unknown caller, only to find that it was his wife, making known her presence. Tfwala said his wife told him that she had been to Limpopo, South Africa, but did not mention anything along the lines of having left with her lover, while the army officer revealed that reliable sources had told him she had fled to the neighbouring state with her lover, and for weeks they were there.
The officer said it was likely that his wife would return to the country earlier but was barred by the lockdown in that country. He said since his wife’s return he has stopped going home for fear of manhandling her. He said his wife is a control freak and listens to nobody. “I have had enough of this woman and I am certain that this time I will fall into the temptation of losing my temper,” said Tfwala. He added that one of two things will happen if he goes home, which is to hurt her or kill her, so, to avoid either of the two he will stay put at his place of work. However, the officer said he would continue giving financial support to his crippled daughter by means of other relatives and friends. He said on returning from South Africa she should rather have gone to her parental home and remained there until the matter of their ebbing relationship is sorted. In fact, said the officer, he wants nothing but a divorce from his wife, which he will file as soon as he has engaged his in-laws.
There are three main stages in a divorce and they are filing the petition for divorce, Decree Nisi and the Decree Absolute. A Decree Nisi is if the Judge is satisfied that the parties are entitled to a divorce and he will set a date for the pronouncement of the break up. After that the petitioner applies for the Decree Absolute, which finally terminates the marriage. The petitioner can apply for Decree Absolute anytime from 6 weeks from the date the Decree Nisi is pronounced. Where the petitioner applies, the Decree Absolute is usually granted automatically at this stage.
On returning from South Africa, Independent News was able to contact the soldier’s wife and she immediately sprang to her defence, shifting blame to her husband. Bail-Tfwala said her husband was in fact the one that had found a new lover and since then he did not look eye to eye with her. She refuted claims that she was involved with an extra marital relationship, dismissing such as a defence mechanism on the part of her husband. She said once she was in hospital with her daughter when Tfwala came in with a woman, which he did not introduce to her. “Later on I received calls from the same woman who spoke harshly and insulted me,” said Bail-Tfwala, adding that the calls were continuous to a point where she confronted her husband about the caller. “He gave me an evil eye whenever I brought the issue of the woman who was harassing me,” said Bail-Tfwala. She said she had never been in an extra marital relationship as purported by her husband and that her husband was the one that had hooked up with other women.
Bail-Tfwala said as yet, she hasn’t gone to her parental home, after her return from South Africa, three days ago, saying she was catching up with her sick daughter. “I will only go home after I am satisfied that my daughter is in good spirits, and once home I will engage my family on the hardships I am experiencing at my matrimonial home,” said Bail-Tfwala. She said she was still in love with her husband despite threats she receives from him, and would never leave him for anyone. Leaving her matrimonial home would cement beliefs that she is in love with another man, and she’d rather be killed by the army officer than leave, she said.
Bail-Tfwala said when she left for South Africa she told no one, which includes her husband, due to what she termed hard-heartedness on the part of her spouse. “In fact, I only went to Limpopo on work related issues and nothing else,” said Bail-Tfwala, adding that she’d never go on a holiday resort while her daughter was confined in a wheel chair. She wondered how she could be so heartless as to leave behind her crippled, wheel chair bound daughter and go to beaches in South Africa. “It shouldn’t make sense to any parent to go on adventure while their children suffer at home,” she said.
Earlier, Tfwala had said he is irked that his wife left with records related to the car accident, which includes receipts of payments he made at Mphilo Private Clinic where their daughter was treated. “My wife also left with the police report obtained at Mafutseni Police Station and some MVAF documents,” the officer had said during an interview with this publication. He added that above all he needed the receipts, which would enable him to be reimbursed by the MVAF, adding that he paid more than E30 000 for the treatment of his daughter at the clinic, which required E4000 per visit.
Drawn for comment earlier on, Tfwala’s brother in-law, Bheki Bail, said as a family they were in the dark on the whereabouts of their sister, who left after she had reported about irreconcilable differences with her husband. “She had been talking to us about unending conflicts in her household, asking us to intervene and bring about a solution,” said Bail.
The disappearance of the soldier’s wife comes at the height of adulterous affairs by the armed forces officers’ wives, which more often than not have ended violently. The latest to be reported is that of Matsapha Police Academy’s police constable, Malangeni Dlamini (47) who early this month shot dead his wife, Dumile Dlamini (48). Dumile had been working under the Royal Guard wing. In December, 2018, another police constable, Sibusiso Shongwe, based in Hlathikulu Police Station killed his girlfriend, Lindo Magagula allegedly by strangulation; all in suspicion that she been involved in an extra affair.
The armed forces have revealed that they do have departments which focus on counselling officers with issues of anger. Gugulethu Dlamini said part of the mandate of the correctional services is to rehabilitate prisoners, and this begins with the officers. She said armed officers are like everybody else and they will at some point need to be counselled on issues of anger management and violence control.
Police Information and Communications Officer, Phindile Vilakati echoed Dlamini’s words, saying they have within their organisation platforms where they help their officers with life controlling issues. Vilakati said they have internal services like chaplaincy and psycho-therapy. “Indeed, we do have set-ups which focus on advising officers on the right patterns if living,” said Vilakati.
At the time of publication the army’s Public Relations Officer, Tengetile Khumalo, was not available, however, a Wattsup text message was sent through to her mobile phone.
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